Monday, March 10, 2014

A letter to myself a new mom of a strong little woman

A letter to myself about 18m ago:

Dear self,

    I know you are just discovering how to be a Mommy and it is not going exactly as you pictured it. I know you look around enviously at the contented and easy babies. She will eventually learn to sleep, she will eventually detach herself from you, she will stop crying. Just keep reminding yourself that "God never gives you more than you can handle", these words will carry you though the next year and remind you that she was indeed given to you, she is a gift. You will figure it out, the two of you will find a status quo. I know she is a challenge beyond what you ever expected, but remember you will both come through it stronger and closer. Give her what she needs even now even when you feel like you have nothing to give. Hold her close all the time, because amazingly one day she will understand that you are always going to be there when she needs you, and you will barely be able to get catch her!

   However she will always be the same strong willed little woman, refusing to sleep will turn into refusing to clean-up but hopefully some day in the distant future it will turn into a refusal to settle. Embrace your tiny strong woman and teach her to channel her opinions and will into something greater. Teach her it is ok to be frustrated and how she needs to perceiver through it, that way she can create wonderful things.  Teach her how to channel her passions and how to express it in constructive ways. Show her how we behave even when we have a storm inside, teach her to talk about it, and resolve constructively.

Most of all know that you are doing great, I know it is beyond hard. I know that not everyone understands, it is a life you cannot understand until you have done it. But take heart! She is not the first strong-willed baby there are other Moms who understand, they see a baby who cannot settle and do not  wonder what you are doing wrong, they just see what you are doing right and wishing with you both could be having an easier time. Lean on them, let them understand and support you. Don't listen to those who say she should be doing this or that, or something is wrong. Nothing is wrong, everything will sort itself out, you will both make it. It will be a bumpy road, but you will make it round that corner and continue on on your long journey together as Mother and Daughter.

This too shall pass. Love and hindsight,

-By Erin Smith

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